


Yeehaw Town

by brainwormz



Category: Rocketman (2019)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Wild West AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 16:03:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19908430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainwormz/pseuds/brainwormz
Summary: bernie taupin is sheriff of Yeehaw Town and john reid is the leader of a local gang and his nemesis. Yeehaw.again don’t flame me this one is a joke too





	Yeehaw Town

**Author's Note:**

> i can only write if it’s for a joke. i love paragraph breaks. id love to know where to put them someday.

“i’m so damn tired of john reid’s shenanigans!” bernie said exasperatedly to his deputy.

bernie taupin was sheriff of Yeehaw Town and had been for the last two years. he liked to consider himself good at his job. crime was low and people felt safe. it was all good in Yeehaw Town except for one thing: john reid. john reid and his gaggle of ruffians had been causing havoc all over the town for months. from bar fights, to harassment, to theft, they did it all. they liked to call themselves the “Rootin Tootin Ruffians” but bernie just called them a nuisance.

  
“who?” his deputy elton asked. “john reid! ya know little dick!” bernie replied, frustrated.

john reid was known as little dick to just about everybody. bernie couldn’t remember how he got that nickname and the only reason bernie knew his real name was because he’d done some research.

“oh yeah! why didn’t you just say little dick?” elton asked.  
“because that ain’t his name elton!” bernie nearly shouted, “oh geez i’m sorry elton. i’m just real stressed out right now. reid’s been driving me crazy.” bernie spoke in a softer tone.  
“it’s alright bernie. i understand. we’ll get him someday!” elton replied cheerily and went back to his desk.

elton has been deputy as long as bernie had been sheriff but he was also bernie’s best friend. they worked well together and they were both good at their jobs but john reid was something else. the “Rootin Tootin Ruffians” was made up of a bunch of men but the 2 key figures were reid and his right hand man, big dick.

it was about time for bernie’s patrol so he  
got up, gave elton a quick “see you later” and left. he strolled around town on his horse for a bit and then headed down to Yeehaw Bar. there was always information in there.

  
“sheriff!” shouted goober the bartender, as he walked in. goober was a nice fella and bernie felt bad that reid was always messing up his bar. “hiya goober. any news?” bernie greeted him.“oh yeah sheriff you’ll never believe what i heard.” bernie raised his brows at that.

“i heard that little dick and the ruffians are messing around somewhere by the river. don’t know what they’re doing but i’m assuming it’s no good.” goober said in a low tone.

‘of course they’re up to no good’ bernie thought to himself. but that didn’t matter now. now he had to go check by the river before the ruffians left. “thanks goober.” bernie quickly replied, rushing out.

he quickly got on his horse and headed down to the river but when he arrived something shocked him. reid was there but no one else was with him. he seemed to be counting (probably stolen) money. bernie has to act fast or else reid might run. he hopped off his horse and approached quietly.

“whatcha got there reid?” bernie shouted.  
reid looked up, “that’s little dick to you sheriff. now what do you want?” he shouted back.

“where’d you get that money reid? you know what save it for when we get to the station. i’m taking you in.” bernie said stiffly.

reid tried to run but bernie caught him by the shoulder and pushed him down and tied a rope around his hands with enough knots that reid would spend days trying to get out of it.

“let’s go buddy!” bernie said, giving reid a satisfactory smile. they rode back to town on bernie’s horse. when they arrived at the jail house bernie quickly pushed him through the doors.

  
“elton we’ve got a new prisoner!” bernie almost shouted. elton quickly looked up as a look of shock spread across his face.  
“oh geez bernie!” elton yelled as he quickly ran to open the jail cell door. bernie pushed reid in and locked the door.  
“looks like your wild days are over little dick!” bernie sneered at him. reid just replied with a charming smile. bernie turned to elton “elton i need you to go on patrol and make sure none of the rest of these ruffians come back. and go thank goober for me as well.”  
“of course bern.” elton replied and went to grab his stuff. as elton walked out the door bernie turned back to reid “well little dick, what would you like to confess to first? the easier you make this the easier it’ll be for you as well.” reid smiled. “why sheriff i’ve got no clue what you’re talking about.” he replied innocently, like a southern dame.

\- uhhhh some transition

\- “well reid-“ ‘you know what call me john. reid sounds like you’re police -insert wink-‘ “well john you really have gotten yourself into a lot of trouble here and i do want to make this easier on the both of us. could you just confess so we can get this over with? i’m tired of you tearing up my town.”  
\- that doesn’t work. but then john’s like ‘ouch my wrists! can you untie this rope?’ bernie opens the door to take off the rope and boom john somehow closes the cell door!  
\- now they are stuck together!  
\- uh they go back and forth for a while but then they start talking for real, about each other’s lives  
\- “you know why do they call you little dick?” ‘because i’m short and dick’s tall, but not everything about me is little.-insert wink-‘  
\- it’s been a while but elton still isn’t back. he probably got distracted or something. bernie doesn’t care because for some reason he enjoys this alone time with reid.  
\- they sit next to each other on the bench. too close.  
\- john makes a joke and they have a real solid laugh and then they look at each other and then Wow They Are Kissing.  
\- bernie pulls back and is like “oh no! i kissed my nemesis!” but then they kiss again.  
\- then they bone and even though i implied john was a top he is not  
\- bernie’s like “what am i going to do now?” and john is like ‘lol ride off into the sunset with me’  
\- elton then arrives back “oh no bernie you are locked in with the prisoner! i will save you!” so he lets bernie out.  
\- now we’re going to jump forward a few days

john had been staying in the cell for 3 days now and every time bernie looked at him he felt conflicted. john wanted to ride off into the sunset together and bernie didn’t know what to do. he had a life here, a job and a best friend he couldn’t leave that behind but deep down something in him was telling him to go.

elton didn’t know what happened the other night and bernie didn’t want him to know. he was scared of what elton would think. him, bernie taupin, the sheriff of Yeehaw Town, wanted to ride off into the sunset with Yeehaw Town’s local criminal. he didn’t even know what he thought of himself. tomorrow the state marshalls would be coming to collect john. they had talked more in the past few days but only when elton was out. they had also done more than talk. john was a criminal but when he kissed bernie it felt like he could do no wrong.

elton had gone out to patrol again.  
“john?” bernie said quietly. john lifted his head. “if we do do this whole ride off into the sunset thing. will you still want to be a criminal?” bernie asked.  
john thought for a moment. “i don’t think i’ll stop wanting to be a criminal and i don’t think you’ll stop wanting to be a sheriff but if we leave together we’d be starting new lives. we could get a ranch or work at a bar like goober. we could do anything we want. anything you want.” john spoke, looking bernie in the eyes.  
bernie thought for a moment. the thing that had been eating at him was ‘what if this was all fake?’. what if john was just using him to escape and when he got out he would leave bernie? but when bernie looked in john’s eyes this didn’t seem fake. it seemed real and it seemed like they could have a wonderful life together.

“what are you thinking about?” john asked him. bernie hesitated, “john, is this real to you? or are you just doing this to get out of jail? to trick me?” bernie asked quietly. john looked at him with something soft in his eyes.  
“come here. please.” john pleaded quietly. bernie moved forward to open the cell door. he sat down next to john, who wrapped his arms around him.

“bernie, do you trust me?” john nearly whispered. bernie nodded against john’s shoulder. “then i need you to trust what i’m saying right now. i would never do that to you bernie. i will admit that i have thought about it but then i think of you and how wonderful you are. i’ve never met anyone like you bernie. you make me feel happy that i got arrested!” they both laughed. john continued, “because if i hadn’t gotten arrested i never would’ve gotten to know you. if you don’t want to leave and you let the marshalls take me tomorrow, i will understand, but i also want you to understand what i feel for you bernie. you are kind and funny and beautiful in every way. you’ve made me want to change my whole life just to be with you. to start a new life with you. i love you bernie.” john was whispering now.

bernie felt frozen. he loved this man and this man loved him. how could he deny it? how could he deny them a life together? he couldn’t. in that moment he decides to leave. to start a new life with john.  
“john, i love you too and i want to go with you-“ bernie has started but in that moment elton had opened the door.  
“woah! what’s going on here?! bernie are you okay?” elton spoke quickly and ran towards the cell.  
“elton. elton, stop. it’s okay. well, i have something to tell you elton.” bernie looked down at his feet for a moment and then he looked back up into elton’s confused eyes, “elton, john and i are in love. and elton i’m sorry but i’m leaving. i’m leaving to be with john and to start a new life together. i love you elton. you are my best friend and i don’t want to leave you but this is something else. i have to do it.” bernie was almost pleading with him.  
elton looked confused still and he was quiet for moment. “bernie are you sure about this? you really love him?” elton asked. bernie nodded and elton turned to john, “you really love him? this isn’t just some big hoax?” elton asked john pointedly. “yes i really love him” john said quietly. elton thought for a moment again. “well bernie you are my best friend and i love you and i only want what’s best for you so if this is what you want then i support it. i am going to miss you so just promise me you’ll keep in touch.” elton said with a soft smile on his face. they hugged and as they pulled back bernie asked “what are you going to tell the marshalls?”.  
“i don’t know. i’ll make something up later. just go be happy.” elton replied smiling again. and with that john stood up and took bernie’s hand. they smiled at each other.  
“ready to go?” john asked. “yeah i think i’m ready” bernie replied smiling again. they walked hand in hand to door. they got on bernie’s horse and rode off. into the sunset.


End file.
